I have always loved reading. Reading is my escape. As a child I read books and escaped into the lives of imaginary families where dysfunction was no where to be found. At the time I never knew the term dysfunction, but I knew I was living in a dysfunctional family. I don’t read as often as I used to. Life gets in the way I suppose or maybe I get in the way.
It’s funny how reading, or seeing something can trigger a memory. After Lord knows how long I started reading a book that was given to me titled What Alice Forgot. I am already hooked, captivated. I suddenly recalled a memory stuffed into my distant past of when I was pregnant with my youngest child.
When I was oh 7 or 8 weeks pregnant I was out of town on a mini vacation. I stopped off at a market and bought some discounted donuts. Who doesn’t love a discount or donuts? I decided I would eat one of the donuts the next day for breakfast. A nice little treat I told myself. The next day as planned I started to eat a donut and about more than half way through I noticed the donut was moldy. Oh shit! I thought to myself. What have I done? Is my baby ok? I panicked. I went through a lot to get pregnant. I was so terrified about what that mold would do to my growing fetus.
Women get pregnant but that is just a tiny step in the long journey of motherhood. We must take care of ourselves in hopes of doing what is right for our baby. We must labor and deliver and then the difficult caring…
The moldy donut had zero effect on the baby thank God and I went on my merry way through pregnancy, labor, and delivery. My pregnancy was rife with complications. Mainly from my child’s father.
Looking back, all I can do is laugh at my silly fear of a moldy donut when in actuality I needed to fear the father of my baby. I really want to cry, but I am strong and know crying will do nothing.
My child is 6 ½ years old and her father will not let me see her. I don’t understand people. I don’t understand people who hurt people. My child is an extension of me. I am like a mother bear. My child’s father says if I want to see my child I must fight him in court. Fight him I say? Why should I have to fight him to see my child? I don’t understand the concept of fighting. In a fight there is a loser.
I think back to how silly I was with that donut. Thank God the mold was harmless. I have found in life it is silly to fear things and it’s people I need to fear. I love all people but it seems not all people love me. Those who profess their love to me end up hurting me more deeply than I could ever imagine.
Thank God for books… Read more…