It was a Friday. Just like any other day of the week. I get up and get ready for work and my phone buzzed. I glanced at my phone and saw a text from my aunt that my grandmother’s time was coming to an end. I braced myself and in a daze went to work and tried to function as normal with that news in the back of my mind.
Towards the end of the day I informed my boss about my grandmother and he told me to keep him posted.
When I got home from work I was sitting in the kitchen and my phone buzzed. I glanced down at the phone with a sense of dread and saw a text from my aunt my grandmother had passed. For a quick instant I felt shattered. My relationship with my family on my mother’s side is fragile. Things happened between us that are painful. I happened to share the same birthday as my grandmother and our birthday’s had just passed. She was 93 so I knew and understood it was her time, but I also had to decide if I would go to her funeral. I questioned did I have the strength to face people who hurt me as a child?
I texted my boss about my grandmother and he responded for me to keep him posted on what I would do. I tried to go through the motions of the week end like normal. I spoke to my mother and she told me she would really love it if I went to the funeral. I struggled all week end over what I would do.
Sunday night I received a cryptic message from my boss’s boss about a conference call at 7:30 in the morning for all my coworkers. My boss was not on the message and I knew something was wrong. I just did not know what. I texted my boss, “are you ok?” No response.
I texted my coworker and asked her if she knew anything. She responded she would tell me in the morning. I still felt a sense of dread and I told her of the passing of my grandmother. She texted condolences and we agreed to speak in the morning.
After tossing and turning through the night I got up Monday morning still struggling over the passing of my grandmother and fearful of what I would face at work.
My coworker came in and called me into the office. She said, “Sara died.” At that moment I felt like a china doll shattering and said, “No, no, no.” Sara was the longtime girlfriend of my boss. Sara was 28. Sara was dead? No, no, no, but it was true. My coworkers and I learned on the conference call it was true. Sara was dead. I did not know Sara but I heard a lot of Sara and she was 28. Her age kept going through my mind. I knew with my boss gone for the week I had to keep it together for him and the team. It was that day I decided to attend my grandmother’s funeral. I was afraid of facing my mother’s family alone, but I also face my fears.
I trudged through the week in a daze. Each day I was asking myself am I dreaming? I was not dreaming.
I did attend the funeral of my grandmother and I was glad I did. I saw family I don’t often see. Funerals tend to be like crazy family reunion’s where you gather together for a sad event but it is also joyous because you see family you would otherwise not see. I sat during the service observing different reactions, emotions and reached the conclusion all families have some dysfunction. No family is perfect and whatever pained caused in the past is forgiven.
I was told by family members who were with my grandmother when I called her to tell her happy birthday her face lit up in happiness over the call. I had not called her to tell her happy birthday in years. I was happy I was able to tell her one last happy birthday and she was able to tell me one last happy birthday.
Death is so final, whether someone is 93 or 28, it’s final. I found myself thinking of Sara often. Thinking Sara would never feel the sun shine again. I am mindful of the sun. I love the sun. I thought of my boss and when he would laugh again. I love his laugh. My boss is private with his feelings. I have heard him laugh but it is not the same. Sara will not hear him laugh.
When Sara died life as I knew it changed and I had not even met Sara. I like to think Sara is watching out for my boss and looking down on him and shining. I know his life changed and that is life as we know it…