Homeschool Week 11

The saying “time flies when you’re having fun” is so true. I am having so much fun and the time is flying. We finished week 11 and we had another great week. My daughter is developing educationally and I continue to be so proud of her accomplishments. She even learned how to solve a math problem by looking at the example. Sometimes it is hard to learn how to solve problems even when looking at the example. This week in History we read about slaves. I find the material fit in quite nicely with the timing of President Barack Obama winning the second term of election.

Our history text stated, “Wealthy white southerners thought that their religion justified their position in society and the institution of slavery. They argued that God created some people, like themselves to rule others.” Deverell, W & White G. United States History, 2007.

What a powerful, sad thought for people to believe they were like God and meant to rule over others. The thought at the time was also that Africans were only good for slavery. Thank God America continues to see the flaws in the culture and reform is constantly evolving.

In science we read about neuroplasticity which is the study of helping people see the full potential of the brain and exercising the brain. This is excellent and relevant to our studies because people can learn and exercise the brain in different ways. Learning should not be cookie cutter because we humans are not cookie cutter. The history lesson described how slaves would cut scraps of cloth and sew the scraps to their clothes to individualize themselves. We pride ourselves on our individuality I explained to my daughter. Therefore, learning should be and can be individualized to a person. My daughter clearly may exercise her brain, may develop her brain by one on one instruction. My daughter is more willing to ask me questions than if she were sitting in a classroom with thirty students. My God the transformation for both of us is absolutely incredible.

In our learning we read how slaves who were not allowed to be educated invented technologies to make life easier. I stressed to my daughter anyone has the ability to create something out of nothing. I stressed to my daughter the importance of being aware of what is around her and every single person on this great God given planet earth can make change for the better.

Any parent out there who is thinking about homeschooling I attest it can be done and I am so excited for next week.

Over and out 🙂

Home School Wk 9

Another great week of home schooling is in the books. I probably sound like a broken record but my daughter continues to amaze me with her studies. She is using her vocabulary words in sentences and is retaining what she is learning. I continue to express to her how proud I am of her and what she is accomplishing.

I do however feel I am fighting an uphill battle convincing her father I am doing the right thing. In spite of our daughter’s happiness and overall well being he is dampening the flame I am trying to build. He is so dramatic and fatalistic in his attitude to homeschooling. I hate to say it but his depressive mood puts my daughter and me in a state of despair that negates the good I am trying to accomplish.

Last week my daughter’s therapist asked me how I felt that my intuition with my daughter was correct. I told her I feel great but I also feel bad because my daughter’s father is trying to create something bad from this situation. My daughter’s father wants her to go to high school. She may decide to go to high school. We are only entering week 10 of a 42 week school year so I don’t understand why he is so fatalistic already.

Sometimes I feel helpless and downright dumb founded in trying to explain this process to him. So many children are home schooled and there is nothing wrong with home schooling. My daughter feels home schooling is harder than traditional school but she is happy in her environment so she does not mind that it is harder. I don’t think it would take a rocket scientist to figure this out but my daughter’s father is way out of touch and out of line. I recognize he has a right to his opinion, but damn his negativity is a joy kill.

I will continue to do my job as a mother and as an educator. I will not win the fight of convincing my daughter’s father this is the right thing but I also feel if he thinks it’s so bad, what is he doing besides complain?

I honestly think he has issues because instead of finding problems where there are non he should congratulate his daughter and tell her he is proud of her and that he is happy she is happy. I mean, it’s not rocket science…

Over and out 🙂

Karma

Karma is sneaky. Karma can sneak up on someone who does not even deserve karma. Karma is a test of doing the right thing, but what is the right thing? Sometimes the answer is cloudy…

When I was in 4^th grade my mother punched me and kicked me for no reason at all. She was just in one of her moods to be abusive. The punch and kick hurt and feeling like a trapped animal in a cage, I ran out the front door. I ran to a park up the street. The park was located by woods and I ran into the woods and hid behind a tree. I looked around the tree and saw my mother driving into the parking lot. I ran, where I did not know and I did not care. I just needed to get away because I knew I would have been in serious trouble if mother caught me. Darkness came and I was there in the woods and I was getting cold. I came upon a house with a screened in porch. I broke through the screen. It took me a long time, but I was patient. The porch had a dirty old blanket on the floor but I did not care. I used the blanket to keep me warm and I slept through the night.

Early the next morning I woke up and left the house. I wandered aimlessly around the woods and finally settled behind some trees. Some children were playing and they found me. The children told their parents and their parents called the police. The police came and took me to the police station. It was then I knew I had my chance to tell the police all about the abuse I suffered through the years. I knew the police would save me from my mother. I was wrong. My father came to pick me up and take me home, back home to the cage. I got in trouble for running away and my parents did not allow me to go trick or treating. My father told me if I ever ran away again he “would take the skin off my ass like a lawn mower mowing the lawn.” What a clever thing to say I thought to myself and I also could not believe I ran away to protect myself from violence and if I ran away again I would get punished with violence. How fucked up is that?

So the police did not do the right thing. My father did not do the right thing. The right thing was obvious in that situation.

Present day I am faced with questioning what is the right thing. My daughter was verbally abused by her step father. I warned him many times to leave her alone, but he would not. My daughter is traumatized by his words. Abuse can come in many ways, verbal, mental, emotional, and physical and maybe more…

The abuser may never understand the trauma they inflict on the abused. My mother has had the nerve to tell me I was to blame for the abuse I received. Bullshit! I have never confronted my mother for what she did to me. I am too afraid. My daughter wants to confront my husband and a part of me thinks she should. He is such a hot head though. I know he will shut down and not listen to my daughter. Hot heads have a way of doing that. I am in the middle of my daughter and my husband and it is very draining. He does not understand why I only stand up for my daughter. I have to. That is my karma for no one standing up for me. I think it’s obvious, but unless someone is abused or traumatized they never truly understand. Some shoes are impossible to wear.

I will encourage my daughter to do what she thinks is best and I am glad she has the strength to face something I don’t have the strength to. Even if her step father does not listen she will become stronger by getting what she feels off her chest and I hope she takes the attitude of take it or leave it, but don’t fuck with me again.

Over and out 🙂

Home School Wk 8

This week was great home schooling. I continue to beam with pride over the progress my daughter is making. This week I had her create a Power Point Presentation about all the dance styles she has researched over the past few weeks. I watched her take great care in picking out the pictures she wanted to use to represent her thoughts. She is very particular and she wanted me to spend time with her while she did the assignment. I also had her create a short story about a time period in history of her choosing. She is not used to writing stories but I want to get her creative juices flowing so I helped her with an idea to write a story about a girl working in a textile factory during the industrial revolution. I don’t think my daughter liked the assignment but great writers don’t just pop out of the ground overnight.

In spite of the progress my daughter is making in this home school venture her father has tried to dampen the fire I am trying to build. He complains because my daughter chooses to do her work in her pajamas. Talk about making a mountain out of a mole hill! My daughter does get out of the house and when she does she is dressed. My daughter has great fashion sense so from the top of her head down to her toes she is put together nicely. I wish he would only look at the positives of this situation instead of grasping for something negative to say. She is happy, happier than she has ever been. She is being responsible with her studies and her learning. She typed on the computer 5 hours straight the other night to get her work done. She hates typing! I wish he would see she is only 13 and she has all the time in the world to mature. Who doesn’t lounge around in their pajamas when they are at home anyway? When I was married to him he stayed in sweatpants all day everyday! He suffers from the syndrome I call “forgot what it’s like to be a child.”

Finally, I wish he would recognize that I have done a good job raising our daughter through not much help from him and in my quest to bring happiness to her life I have succeeded! I am the positive to his negative and I have to fight the negative my daughter feels with positive. I think I will win with my daughter and that is all that matters to me!

Over and out 🙂

Home School Wk 7

Week seven proved more challenging for my daughter. She struggled with math. This week she solved inequalities, one step and two steps. After seeing her level of understanding I primarily focused on one step. I also only focused on division. I get frustrated as does my daughter because to my 39 year old mind the math is simple. I believe my daughter sees the division sign with the greater than/less than sign and solving for X and she is thinking to herself, what the fuck! My daughter cries when she does not understand and it’s not my intention to make my daughter cry. My daughter gets embarrassed to cry so I am working with breaking the problem down for her to understand and telling her it’s ok to cry!

We read about the industrial revolution and that is fascinating. We read how labor unions started and how children worked in factories and the normal work day was 14 hours a day, six days a week. Again, the immigrants were addressed in the reading because they were willing to work for low wages the Americans did not want to work for. America has come a long way but we still have some work to do. The world has come a long way but there is much more work to be done.

My shower handle was broken and my daughter learned how to fix it. She has her own screw driver. I love fixing things so we went to Home Depot to by the necessary part to fix the shower. My daughter helped me find the part and when we got home she went right upstairs to fix the shower. She had a little trouble getting the screw in the right spot so I finished the job, but she did great! I told my daughter so. Praise goes a long way in my opinion.

My daughter also made chocolate chip cookies this week from scratch. I did not get to have even one; some greedy person in the house ate them all. I guess they were good!

I took my daughter to the Waffle House for breakfast and we had a great time. The car ride is 45 minutes coming and going and my daughter told me all these facts she learned from Amazing Facts. I love when my daughter talks to me. I hope we will always have open communication. My daughter asked me what ejaculate means! I explained it to her as scientifically as I could. It’s better for her to learn from her mom I suppose.

So life is about challenges and it’s not always going to be rosy. I still love home schooling and my daughter is doing great. As always, looking forward to next week!

Over and out 🙂

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is like a wagon train. I have been riding that train my whole life and that is one ride I never want to get off. Many people have hurt me in my life starting with my mother and ending with my children. Every time my mother hurt me she always came to me after and said she would never do it again. I always believed her. I still do to this day. Maybe I am stupid or gullible, but I have no other choice but to forgive. I remember hoping and praying to God, yes this is the last time I will be hurt. I guess my hopes and prayers fell on deaf ears, but I don’t blame God. It is what it is…

When I was a teen ager the physical abuse stopped, thank God!

Others have wronged me through life, boyfriends, my first husband, my second husband, people, my children. I have forgiven them all. I have gotten into fights with my mother over the phone where she said something really hateful to me. I have hung up the phone on her and called her a bitch over the phone and said, “I will never talk to her again.” I would feel relief over not talking to someone who hurt me so bad. We have gone a year without talking, but then she calls and apologizes and says she will never do it again. I forgive her and I am back on the wagon train of forgiveness.

I have hurt people in my life. Karmas a bitch! Those people I have hurt have forgiven me. They have forgiven me of things I have not even forgiven myself of. Some things I will never forgive myself of.

I am trying to teach my children to be forgiving people. My older daughter is very resentful and it’s painful for me because she does not want to forgive. I don’t want to force my daughter into forgiveness. I don’t believe I can force anyone into anything. I was not forced into forgiving, I just do forgive. I guess I know what it feels like to feel resentful and I know what it feels like to feel hatred. It does not feel good at all. It’s not me at all and I had to let that shit go. Thank God I did. I am loving and though this puts me in a vulnerable position, it suits my life better.

I told my daughter so. I told my daughter I understand how she feels and I told my daughter I don’t expect her to forgive, but her life will be better if she allows forgiveness into her heart. My daughter has lived a different hell than I have. The fact that my daughter struggles with depression is unimaginable to me. Maybe the depression puts a barrier to forgiveness. Who knows? I just know that if my daughter gets on the wagon train to forgiveness she will feel more freedom then she will realize and I will be grateful for it.

Over and out 🙂

Home School Wk 6

This was a good week as far as home schooling goes. My daughter continues to improve every day. Not only is she improving, but her father who was against homeschooling is seeing the change. I am not sure if I converted him completely, but so far so good. My daughter and I played tennis a couple times this week. I had a lot of fun. The first week of her homeschooling she researched tennis and I think it’s pretty cool to apply knowledge to real life. We are not pros by any means but we had good times. Next week we will add the batting cages. My daughter has never been to the batting cages so I guess that can be a field trip for us.

My daughter baked me a chocolate cake this week using cake flour. I swear it was the best chocolate cake I ever had and could be sold in a gourmet bakery or fancy restaurant. My daughter is changing before my eyes and I love her transformation. My daughter is an artist, she is really good. She is learning how to body paint with my cousin who has her own body painting business.  Last week end my daughter went out on her first painting gig. She did not paint, but she helped corral the children. My daughter practiced painting and I was her canvas. She painted a butterfly on my face and painted a spidey glove on my hand. I am not an artist. I am very impressed with how easily my daughter paints. She is a natural.

This week I had my daughter read her history aloud to me and then we discussed. I want her to get used to reading aloud and discussing her reading. She seemed to understand well with this method. After a few paragraphs I stopped her and had her paraphrase what she read. This week, we learned about California and the gold rush. It seemed like looking for gold was like playing the lottery. I told my daughter that most of us do have to work hard for a living and striking it rich easily is just a pipe dream. My daughter researched jazz and ballet and Vincent Van Gogh. Vincent committed suicide at 37. How sad is that?

I would not say this week was 100%. Today, my daughter had to go to the doctor for her yearly check up. My daughter hates the doctor and hates shots. She is in a very grumpy mood right now, but I hope she cheers up soon. It’s not easy to get along with a negative person when they attack you personally. I can’t tell my daughter to go away until she is in a better mood. All I can do is listen with patience and hope her mood will lighten and then mine will too.

Over and out 🙂

Home School Wk 5

This week was test week for my daughter. I would say she did pretty well. She struggled with math. I was a little frustrated because I went over the material many times. I recognize that some topics are not able to be understood no matter how many times they are taught. I know she felt bad because of the math. She did not bomb all the problems, just some. I told my daughter it’s ok. We are not all masters of all things in life. I am not a good test taker. I recognize this in myself and I recognize this in her. I am such a bad test taker that I did worse on my SAT’s in high school the second time around after I had take a course to improve my scores. How ridiculous is that?

I do not want my daughter leaving this experience feeling stupid or inadequate. For many years of my life I felt stupid, but today I know I am not. If I can get my daughter to feel confident and not stupid then she will be ahead of the game. I believe she is getting there through positive reinforcement. It takes a long time to eliminate bad habits or to build up positive thought. Rome was not built in a day, that’s what I always say.

I do feel like getting my daughter to think is like looking for water in a desert. Even though I feel that way I won’t stop. I believe my daughter knows this and I think it gives her comfort. To have someone in your corner through thick and thin is priceless. I look at my daughter and I feel so much pride and love and good. She reminds me of myself when I was a child. I can’t imagine where I would be today if I had someone in my corner when I was growing up.

I thought this home school journey would be burdensome to my life, but it is the exact opposite. Looking forward to next week!

Over and out 🙂

Crazy…

My children think I am crazy and I agree with them. I think we are all crazy in some way. I am an even tempered person. I have a tremendous amount of patience, but sometimes my patience gets pushed to the limit. My children drive me to the brink of insanity sometimes, but I guess that is what children do. I am sure I sound like a broken record to my hippie chic daughter. Every day I tell her to brush her teeth, take a bath, put on deodorant, and brush her hair. I don’t think that’s too much to ask of a ten year old. She also has chores like to put the recycling outside and to clean her dishes. She is no Cinderella by any means.

One day when I got home from work I asked my hippie chic daughter to take a bath and brush her teeth. A while later I asked her if she had done what I asked. She said no and I asked her why. Her response was I forgot. WTF! I blew up at her; I just don’t understand how she could forget to do two simple things I asked. As I was yelling at her she just looked at me like I lost my mind. That really burns me up. I don’t spank because I know my children think my spankings are funny. I also don’t think spanking is an effective form of punishment.  I tried to appeal to my daughters emotions by saying if a friend asks her to do something, she never forgets. I just want her to feel a little gratitude for her mom who takes her here, takes her there, buys her lunch at school, and gives her shelter.

My appeal did not work for the next day I learned from my older daughter that my hippie chic daughter said mommy needs some “happy pills” and she laughed at me. I will not say anything to my hippie chic, but my feelings are hurt. I hope one day she will see maybe I am crazy, but perhaps she contributes to my craziness…

Over and out 🙂