Taken for granted

So many people take what they have for granted. It’s shameful. Each of my children is a blessing. I look at my children with such amazement. I do not raise my children based on reading textbooks or manuals or even science. I raise them by energy. I would probably have a hard time explaining. I am a sensory person. I sense energy of people. So many people hide what they are, but it’s hard to hide energy.
People always say one thing and do something else. Eventually, the talking gets old and I am left wondering when people will walk the walk…
Some people are so forceful and stubborn and know it alls that in order for them to see what a person of wisdom says is true they must face it themselves. Unfortunately, this impacts innocent people. Even children. I don’t know my birth parents. My only true blood relatives are my children. I do not take this for granted. I see people who take their blood relatives for granted. I think to myself how lucky they are to know their mom and dad, but yet they treat them like shit…
My youngest daughter was conceived through natural cycle invitro fertilization. The odds of me becoming pregnant through this method were so slim. When I learned I was pregnant I had to follow very careful steps to carry this miracle to term. I have always been careful in my pregnancies, but this pregnancy I felt like I was carrying the most precious china. The pregnancy took a toll on my body. I was sick all the time and I always felt like I had to pass out. I would be driving down the road and the world would suddenly go black. Pretty fucking scary.
The day of delivery I passed out completely, but I did my mission. I delivered a beautiful, healthy baby girl. Though she was not inside of me anymore, the bond was not broken. The bond can never be broken. As much as a father may love their children, the mother bond is way greater because mother and child are one for so long. I don’t think my daughter’s father understands this, but one day he will…
He was blessed with a miracle baby and he has no idea what he has. He is blessed with an amazing job, amazing parents who love him and a sister and family who love him. He also had me, but now I am gone. I am outside looking in at my miracle baby. My baby who is gone because of everything being taken for granted. She is not with me physically often, but spiritually we are linked. I know she suffers and I am powerless to stop it. The time we share is quality over quantity and I give her my energy so when we are apart she will still feel me with her.
I don’t know everything in life. I am not supposed to. Life should have some surprise. I know I don’t take what I have for granted. I don’t take my job, my friends, my children, my love, my life for granted. I want to share myself with people who appreciate my energy and who won’t take me for granted. I am on my way to doing so and I feel fucking amazing…
Over and out 🙂

Consideration please

I often feel taken advantage of by certain a certain person, in particular my ex husband. I wish I could get him to walk in my shoes, but he is such an asshole he would never do it. He is supposed to spend time with our children twice a week and every other week end. He only spends time with them once a week. Oftentimes he does not show up for various reasons but he does not tell me.

The inconsideration burns me up and so I sent him a text letting him know he was inconsiderate for not telling me he was picking up the kids because had I known I would have planned dinner. He sent me a text in return that said “seriously.” I was like seriously what the fuck! He then told me he did tell me he was going out of town. Fuck no he did not. I have an excellent memory and I would have remembered.

My daughter was sweet and told me I did not have to make dinner, but that is my responsibility and obligation as her mother.

We go through this same wagon train shit all the time and I cannot understand his inconsiderate attitude. I then learned from my daughter that my ex husband talks shit about me to her. What the fuck is wrong with him I think to myself. No matter how much I think he is an asshole and he surely is an asshole, I never ever tell my children, “Your father is an asshole.” I am not sure why he thinks it is appropriate to bad mouth me to our girls.

My feelings are hurt and I look forward to telling him so even though I know he will not care. Raising our children has been difficult and I have sacrificed a lot for them. I am not mother of the year and this is not meant to say poor me or any bullshit like that.

This is purely about having consideration for other people and their time, but he is too much of an asshole to understand.

Over and out 🙂

The Road

Ever since I learned to read I voraciously inhaled book after book. As a child books were my drug of choice. I could not get enough. When I found an author I loved I searched the library for all the books from that author and hoarded them with my library card. Even today, there is no place like the library. There is something magical about the quiet solitude. Everyone in the library is on the same page.

As an adult I don’t get to read as much as I would like. I have to put my fix to the side because I am a mom and as a mom I am last. It is what it is…

A few years ago I saw the movie “The Road.” Oftentimes when I see a movie and I like the movie I always tell myself I must read the book. Nine times out of ten the book is a million times better than the movie. Now The Road was a good movie, but the book did not disappoint. Cormac McCarthy wrote an amazing book.

The Road was so good because if the world were to end as we know it and people were left wandering around, starving ravenous and stark raving mad, this book illuminates a great visual of the depths of misery people would face.

But as parents we have to protect our children no matter what. I identify with the father of The Road. He is determined to protect his son. The struggles we parents face on a day to day basis sometimes grasp and clutch our children no matter how much we try to keep those struggles away. Humanity was basically destroyed, naturally. In one scene of the book the father and son know a woman delivered a baby and the couple was so hungry they cooked the baby. When people are so desperate all sense of sanity vanishes.

The son never lost his humanity. He constantly strived to be the “good guy.” Sometimes he even had to remind his father they were the “good guys.”

Children have a way of reminding us what is good in life even in the worst of times. “The Road” though so dark and a completely horrible premise was such a good read. At a time in my life when I needed a quick fix of my drug of choice this book delivered. Without great writers and great books throughout my life I am not sure where my humanity would be. Thank God for humanity and I pray The Road never happens, but it could…

Over and out 🙂

Problem solvers vs. Complainers

People fit into many categories. There are people who are problem solvers and people who complain about problems, but don’t try to find solutions. Then there are people who complain about solutions of problem solvers. These types of people are frustrating to deal with.

My older daughter has had problems in school. Through the years I have tried to solve the problems with school by attending meetings with my daughter’s teachers and constantly involving myself in my daughter’s academic development. I work a full time job. Sometimes I have had to go to work, and then drive back to my hometown to attend a meeting at my daughter’s school and then drive back to work. Juggling work and juggling my daughter’s education takes a toll on me mentally and emotionally but I owe it to my daughter to be her advocate. Her father on the other had complained about my daughter s performance in school, but only attended one meeting through the years. I always invited him to come because she does have two parents. He always said he could not leave work. We work for the same company and that excuse does not fly because our bosses are not tyrannical people. They do understand some things are important in life outside of work.

My daughter has always liked to do things on her own. She is not the most social person. In the past she has taken karate, swimming and last year for the first time she took dance lessons. Her father complained that she should do a “real sport.” What the fuck does that mean I thought to myself! He told my daughter and me she should join a soccer or softball team because that is what he did when he was a child. I guess he is one of those parents who think what’s good for the goose is good for the gander…

I have been juggling my daughters schedule for years so I told her father, “if you want her to take soccer or softball, please put her in a team and arrange for her to get there.” To this day she has not done soccer or softball. I sit and think to myself at least I am trying to solve problems. Its one thing to complain but if a person does not make any steps to problem solve and all they do is complain, then take some action or shut the fuck up!

Over and out 🙂

Home School Wk 8

This week was great home schooling. I continue to beam with pride over the progress my daughter is making. This week I had her create a Power Point Presentation about all the dance styles she has researched over the past few weeks. I watched her take great care in picking out the pictures she wanted to use to represent her thoughts. She is very particular and she wanted me to spend time with her while she did the assignment. I also had her create a short story about a time period in history of her choosing. She is not used to writing stories but I want to get her creative juices flowing so I helped her with an idea to write a story about a girl working in a textile factory during the industrial revolution. I don’t think my daughter liked the assignment but great writers don’t just pop out of the ground overnight.

In spite of the progress my daughter is making in this home school venture her father has tried to dampen the fire I am trying to build. He complains because my daughter chooses to do her work in her pajamas. Talk about making a mountain out of a mole hill! My daughter does get out of the house and when she does she is dressed. My daughter has great fashion sense so from the top of her head down to her toes she is put together nicely. I wish he would only look at the positives of this situation instead of grasping for something negative to say. She is happy, happier than she has ever been. She is being responsible with her studies and her learning. She typed on the computer 5 hours straight the other night to get her work done. She hates typing! I wish he would see she is only 13 and she has all the time in the world to mature. Who doesn’t lounge around in their pajamas when they are at home anyway? When I was married to him he stayed in sweatpants all day everyday! He suffers from the syndrome I call “forgot what it’s like to be a child.”

Finally, I wish he would recognize that I have done a good job raising our daughter through not much help from him and in my quest to bring happiness to her life I have succeeded! I am the positive to his negative and I have to fight the negative my daughter feels with positive. I think I will win with my daughter and that is all that matters to me!

Over and out 🙂