Wk 10 Homeschool

Week 10 of homeschooling my daughter is in the books and I continue to be proud of her. Self-doubt on my part is creeping its ugly head in and I am trying to crush the doubt before it takes over my being. I so desperately want to do a good job for my daughter. I always ask her if she thinks I am doing a good job and I ask her if she feels like she is learning. She reassures me that yes I am doing a good job and yes she is learning. I tell my daughter I am so worried of failing her.

My daughter on the other hand always says she is stupid! I reassure her she is not stupid. My daughter is very smart. I told her I hate those comments and she should not put herself down. My daughter is wise. She came to me and said. “Mommy I have a deal to make with you and it does not involve buying me anything.” My ears perked up over what she was about to say. The deal my daughter made was if I don’t say I am doing a bad job homeschooling, she will not call herself stupid. I told my daughter that is a good deal to make and so we agreed.

This week I wanted my daughter to write a story. When I ask my daughter to write a story she has extreme writers block. I understand. My daughter has not read a lot of books; books help a person create their own stories. I explained to my daughter that life, her life, is a story. Perhaps not everyone is meant to write, but we do all have a story. I always wanted to write my story. I have so many stories to tell that I know people will identify with. For a long time I had writers block. I always knew the stories were there, but I was not able to reach far enough to draw them out. My daughter did not write much of a story, she wrote more of a generalization. That’s ok. My daughter is an artist and maybe one day she can tell her story through art. Both art and written work help people.

I hate it when I doubt myself. I have so much riding on the line with my daughter and I so desperately want to avoid a train wreck. These past 10 weeks have been so educational and exciting. Thank God it’s Friday! Looking forward to next week.

Over and out 🙂

The Road

Ever since I learned to read I voraciously inhaled book after book. As a child books were my drug of choice. I could not get enough. When I found an author I loved I searched the library for all the books from that author and hoarded them with my library card. Even today, there is no place like the library. There is something magical about the quiet solitude. Everyone in the library is on the same page.

As an adult I don’t get to read as much as I would like. I have to put my fix to the side because I am a mom and as a mom I am last. It is what it is…

A few years ago I saw the movie “The Road.” Oftentimes when I see a movie and I like the movie I always tell myself I must read the book. Nine times out of ten the book is a million times better than the movie. Now The Road was a good movie, but the book did not disappoint. Cormac McCarthy wrote an amazing book.

The Road was so good because if the world were to end as we know it and people were left wandering around, starving ravenous and stark raving mad, this book illuminates a great visual of the depths of misery people would face.

But as parents we have to protect our children no matter what. I identify with the father of The Road. He is determined to protect his son. The struggles we parents face on a day to day basis sometimes grasp and clutch our children no matter how much we try to keep those struggles away. Humanity was basically destroyed, naturally. In one scene of the book the father and son know a woman delivered a baby and the couple was so hungry they cooked the baby. When people are so desperate all sense of sanity vanishes.

The son never lost his humanity. He constantly strived to be the “good guy.” Sometimes he even had to remind his father they were the “good guys.”

Children have a way of reminding us what is good in life even in the worst of times. “The Road” though so dark and a completely horrible premise was such a good read. At a time in my life when I needed a quick fix of my drug of choice this book delivered. Without great writers and great books throughout my life I am not sure where my humanity would be. Thank God for humanity and I pray The Road never happens, but it could…

Over and out 🙂

Reading and 50 Shades

I love to read. Ever since I learned how to read I have been in love. Two things help in my quest to make sense of my life; reading and music. I will write about music another day. I love getting into a good book and greedily reading until the end. When I was a child I loved reading the Little House on the Prairie series by Laura Engalls Wilder. I loved the clear description Laura described of her life with her family. I somehow could imagine myself in that time. Working the land, struggling through harsh winters, having a huge responsibility at a young age. I did not have to do all the things that Laura did, but having a sick mother required me to be like a mother to m younger sister. My mother did not wake up to see us off to school so I had to get my younger sister ready for school. I had to get a breakfast, pick out her outfit, and fix her hair. I did not mind doing those things for my sister. I guess I always had a motherly instinct, or maybe I am just one of those people who do what I have to…

From the Little House series I graduated to reading Judy Blume. I loved reading Judy Blume. Are you there God it’s me Margaret is such a classic! The funny thing about Are you there God is girls of today still have the same issues. It makes me want to write a book for today’s girls along the lines of God, are you listening after all this time? I guess that’s my humor coming through. I certainly don’t make fun of God. I am highly religious but not a fanatic. I will go into that another time too…

I always read books that were meant for older people to read. I loved reading Stephen King. I still love Stephen King to this day. I don’t remember the first Stephen King book I read, it was so many years ago, but from the first book I was hooked. Stephen King was born in September, like me, but that may be the only thing we have in common. I read his books and I am amazed by how well he writes. He is funny, creative and somehow makes simple things that scare people super scary. When I was a child I would walk by the gutter and always be afraid something would jump out of the gutter and grab me. “It” makes that fear a visual. When I got a Nook reader, the first book I downloaded was a Stephen King book. I had read the book years ago, but I have read many of Stephens’s books more than once. When I read the Green Mile I was sad when I got to the end. The Green Mile was the first book ever that I did not want to end. I don’t think I have had the feeling again about a book.

I have read a few classics like the Grapes of Wrath and Tuck Everlasting. I loved those stories. Bridge to Terabithia,  Jacob have I Loved and the Little Princess are books I always think of. I could identify with the characters and that’s why I love to read!

The point of this piece is 50 Shades of Grey. I have heard all the hype about this series and I have a friend who does not read, but she read 50 Shades of Grey and loved it. I downloaded the trilogy to my Nook for I thought if my friend likes the book and she does not read, it must be good. I was wrong! I started reading 50 Shades and I did not feel the usual spark I feel with books. Yes, the sex is interesting, but a book has got to have more than sex to keep me interested. I downloaded the trilogy months ago, and I just finished the first book last week. When I love a book I can read it in two days. I started reading book two. I so badly wanted to finish this series. I usually like to finish something I start, but I could not take it anymore and shut the book down. I have to identify with the characters to keep reading. I feel guilty though because I am usually not a quitter. I just knew in my soul if I continued to trudge through the book I would never finish and I am not one who reads multiple books at a time.

So, I had Twilight waiting in the wings. I have never read Twilight, but I love the movie. I love the story of Edward and Bella. My daughter’s middle name is Bella based on Twilight. I am happy to say what 50 Shades of Grey lacked Twilight more than makes up for. I already identify with Bella. I can tell this already and I have barely started reading the book. I have seen the movie many times, but so far the book is keeping me captivated. I hope to continue doing what I love to do and that is to read.

Over and out 🙂

Life is not a Fairy Tale

I always tell my children life is not a fairy tale. When I was a child I would read Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and the Princess and the Pea. I felt like Cinderella. I would dream of someone coming to save me. I never got saved. I guess I got saved from death, there’s a silver lining. I would read those stories and look at the pictures and wish so hard for that happily ever after that never came. I don’t think I ever stopped hoping. I don’t really like to give up easily.

When I had my children I never pushed the princess stories on them. I always thought I would write a book one day titled “Life is not a Fairy Tale.” I guess I did not want to give my children some false sense of hope that a prince charming would come along and make all their dreams come true.

My two older girls have both stated they do not want to get married or have children. I believe they have seen the struggles of marriage and the struggles of parenting and have decided it’s not for them. My older daughter stated if she were to get married she would make sure she had her independence. She would not want to depend on a man to take care of her. Good for her! My daughters think delivering babies is painful. They are right there. I would not sway them either way. The choice is theirs to make. I do hope they will be very picky in who they select to spend their life with if they do get married. The choice is probably one of the most important decisions in life and should be thought carefully. So no life is not a fairy tale, no my prince never came, but have I given up? I don’t think so!

Over and out 🙂

Writing

When I was younger I never thought I would be a writer. I hated writing. Perhaps I was too embarrassed to have people read what I wrote about. When I was a child my mother had a copy of the book Mommy Dearest. That book had a lot of meaning to me because I lived my own Mommy Dearest. That book made me think one day I would write my own book. I always loved to read. I believe stories help us identify with others and help us get through life. Through the years I have tried to write about the events of abuse at the hands of my mother, but I always thought my writing was too bitter, my words so filled with acid. There is no sugar coating of abuse though and sometimes I do feel bitter. To this date I have not documented anything worth people reading. I am still trying to figure out how to convey the message.

When I started college I learned I had to write many papers. Oh crap! I thought to myself because I never thought of myself as a writer. As those first days of college went on my fellow class mates told me what a great writer I was. The positive praise I received helped push me to enjoy writing. When people hear good things about themselves, it helps motivate. I became motivated. I will never forget the first paper I wrote. The paper was about Gays and Lesbians and their acceptance in society. In doing my research on the topic I was saddened and outraged to learn children who are gay or lesbian who do not have acceptance from their parents commit suicide. I wish I could hug all those children and be the one to tell them someone out there accepts them for who they are. If a parent does not accept their children, I am sure the thought is who else will? I wish parents would see that being hard on children may lead to such actions of suicide and feeling sorry after the fact does not help. I myself wish I could be a source of comfort to kids who feel alone as I often felt alone growing up.

In my opinion, the more people write the more people will read and learn there are people out there who do experience the same thing and it’s better to live to tell about it. I encourage my daughter to write or blog to get her to see she is not alone. Someone out there is facing the same struggles as her and with writing she may reach someone. She may be helpful and she may be helped.

Over and out 🙂